My Best Kept Secret!!!

We can all agree that dating in this day and age is something you have to be prepared for. I mean even dating back in the day was no walk in the park, it just was less bullshit. Our parents and ancestors made it look easy. Often times relationships do not have that longevity like many marriages I was raised around.

I have asked myself many times, am I dating because I want to be happy, dating because I want a warm body laying next to me or dating for longevity, someone to build with? Is he here for me, does he have a hidden agenda, is he treating me the way I should be treated? As I played "Ray Charles" to the obvious signs, I was hit with a devastating blow. HE WASN'T THAT INTO ME!!! Let me tell you the signs and then how the news was given to me.

• He would never take me places.

What is the best kept secret? A women that a man does not want his friends, family or associates knowing they have any dealings with you. If you find yourself in a relationship where most of your quality time is "Netflix and Chill" or watching him play the video game, he is not that into you. Money cannot be an excuse, there are plenty of things to do that do not cost money. A walk in the park, an impromptu picnic, something other than "we do not have any money to do anything" or "I did not get paid this week". Often times when I would ask to go out, it was always an excuse. He would then in turn offer for me to come over to his house to Netflix and Chill. We all know what that leads too. That goes hand in hand with our next sign.

• He did not introduce me to any of their friends or family

What is the correct amount of time to introduce your potential partner to your family and friends? Is it right away, do you wait several months or just play it by how the relationship is going? I find it is really up to the person who has to do the introducing. I feel like if you have been dating for 3 months, maybe meet an associate or friend. After about 6 months if you have not met anyone, not even an associate, they are not that into you. The best kept secret doesn't meet the friends and family. Again no signs that there are no dealings between the two. What is it about me that he doesn't want to introduce me to any of his friends or family? Do you feel like a tool at this point?

• Vibes, Energy and Comfortability

How do they make you feel when you are in their presence? Are you relaxed and can be yourself or you find yourself tensed up? Many times you can feel the vibe of a person. You can tell if they are into you sexually, romantically or not at all. Many times the signs exudes when you spend that first night with that person. We may chuck it up to an off night. If you find yourself uncomfortable often times when in their presence, it is something off. You are to feel a sense of security when you are dating and or in a relationship. If you do not feel that in the beginning stages, then it is time for you evaluate if this is what they want? If the energy they gives you is negative and always want to change something about you or change you, they are not into you. I would often get criticized about how I would speak, my tone was at the wrong pitch or my answer wasn't the answer they were expecting. I was often put down for things that were out of my control. 

The signs that woke me up to not everyone is as transparent as you may want. I was so blinded by the fact that he was a complete gentleman when we went on our first date. The compliments were flowing and the energy was great. Fast forward a few weeks into our courtship, I started noticing signs that we have not been out on a date since that 1st date. We have not talked about the future as far as what we wanted in life or from the courtship. I noticed he would have nights where he is hanging with his boys or had friends over but there would be no invite extended to me. I notice when friends and family is around there is no talk or conversation for me to meet them. I mean not even as a friend. You start to wonder is it you? What is it about you that he wants to keep a secret?

I myself believe in transparency. It is so imperative while dating in 2020. This way you can give the other party the opportunity to accept it or reject it. I asked the guy I was dating, why do we not go out, as in movies, bowling, walks in the park, etc.? I asked why have I not met any of your friends or family since we have been dating? To my surprise, his reply was something I was not expecting. He explained to me that "HE WAS NOT THAT INTO ME!!!" I asked why keep me around for this long if I am not what you want? His reply couldn't have been anymore shocking.... He said because your sex was the best I ever had and I wanted to keep you as my best kept secret.

Moral of the story is don't give up your all until you are secure in your position. Not every position is secured but make sure you know he is into you. Don't be like me... I fucked him like a wife but he treated me like a prostitute. Date wisely in 2020, be more transparent. This way each party can act accordingly with the roles and positions they signed up for.